This might be the dumbest film I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen every real MST3K (up through Pearl, not the boring new loser), and even Red Zone Cuba or Beast of Yucca Flats aren’t this dumb. Written by Stephen King & Joe Hill (his son), so I had some hope. But hours, years later, no, all hope is lost. Save yourself, don’t come in.
Walking into this grass field by a vacant small country church gets you permanently lost. There’s a steady flow of idiots walking off the road into this shitty midwestern Narnia/Blair Witch, but it’s not corn so there’s no He Who Walks Between the Rows. There’s no sets, just a grass field with some paths stomped down, and a big rock, and a ruined Bowl-A-Drome (or “OWL-A-DME” as the sign says) makes the usual B movie filmed in the woods look like Ben Hur. I miss the variety of sets in Cube.
90% of the dialogue is just characters calling each others names. Beckay does tell a couple good dirty limericks but the wuss brother is useless, the drummer ex-boyfriend does think of marking a trail… not very well, like everything he does. Tobyn (the spirit guide, nice GB reference) is either part of the field or its first victim. His Ted Bundy-lookin’ dad is exactly what he seems. His mom and dog appear when needed as props but have no plotline or role.
Of course there’s a time travel thing going on, because all movies are time travel now apparently. Oh no I’m stuck in an endless loop of watching bad movies in my comfy chair.
The horrible ancient evil and time loop are trivially defeated by just helping someone out of the field. Every part of this was unnecessary.
★☆☆☆☆ and I’m glad I had a lot of beer.