What I’m Watching: Godzilla Raids Again, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, The Player

More of my HBO Max queue. I absolutely hate that they make me choose my profile every single time. I have one profile, it’s a purple cock-ring that says “Mark” in it, there is zero reason to make me choose a profile every new window! Netflix now lets you choose movie characters for your profile image, so there I’m Hup from Dark Crystal 2019, but they only make me choose my profile if I’ve logged out and back in.

In the old days, I watched 3 movies every night from the video store: One B-movie, one studio flick, one known-good movie (often a rewatch). And that’s kinda what I did here:

  • Godzilla Raids Again (1955): On Monster Island, Godzilla is back from the dead (or a second Godzilla!) fighting a 30m-long Ankylosaur “Anguirus” (actual ones were up to 6.25m long), dated at 70-150 MYA (in reality 65-67 MYA), which is certainly better than the first Godzilla’s 2 MYA dates. Dr Yamane returns to show stock footage from the first movie, without sound effects or context, and then he is never seen again (smart, take your paycheck and run from this film). They also get to use some military stock footage to show air & naval search for the kaiju. Boy this is a cheapass movie so far.

    The drama of the pilots & radio girls (the pretty one is the boss’s daughter, of course) relationship is maybe a repeat of Ogata & Emiko from the first movie, but it fills the Human interest requirement fine. There’s a prison break story which has fuck-all to do with Godzilla, it’s just B-roll, but serves to screw up the blackout/light lure plan. Oda Motoyoshi was a terrible but prolific waste-of-film director, and in more competent hands the prison story could’ve been given some pathos.

    The monster fights are goofy, accelerated footage instead of more properly slowed-down to look like 50m-tall monsters, mostly wrestling instead of the more acrobatic fighting of later Godzillas (admittedly these early suits were heavy). The miniature cities, and historic Osaka Castle(!!!), are clearly empty shells inside, when the original tries to not make that visible, and later ones succeed even more. There’s a flooding subway scene that’s fairly effective, though we don’t see the victims; presumably nobody was willing to risk their lives for Oda’s filmmaking.

    The music is not great. Anything dramatic or horrifying in the original has heavy Ifukube Akira music. Here, there’s a little bass line behind the monster scenes, and light “laugh now” or overbearing brass band music in every Human scene.

    A little “Human interest” goes a long way in a kaiju movie, but post fight there’s just endless people talking bullshit about romance and business, corporate drinking in a circle worshipping the boss, nothing to do with the plot. Incredibly tedious, and the comic relief pilot is badly written. Please make this end.

    They really don’t seem to have watched the first movie. A fire fence is supposed to keep Godzilla in place? It was born from the hydrogen bomb, breathes fire, stomped thru a burning Tokyo. It lives in the deep freezing ocean. There’s no fire or ice solution that’s going to stop it. The bombing runs use a mix of miniatures, stock footage, and rear projection to fake in-aircraft camera shots, and the “miniature” terrain and mattes are bad.

    I’m giving this movie way more thought than was put into making it, or has deserved for 65 years. But I’m disappointed.

    ★★☆☆☆ only because Anguirus is slightly cool, being a completely non-humanoid kaiju.

  • Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: I haven’t seen the previous Fantastic Beasts film, which is nowhere to be found, but how much context can a “wizzarding world” flick need? Unfortunately after a pretty good prison break scene with badass Grindelwald (who seems to have the right idea, magical revolution now!), the story switches to whiny, useless “Newt” as protagonist, and then nothing happens forever, and I lost all interest.

    The cinematography looks like absolute shit, it’s dark and color-distorted, you can’t see anything, it’s all CGI cartoons and fast cuts over bad actors, almost a parody of modern terrible filmmaking. Maybe there’s plot later, but after 30 minutes of reading my phone while I waited for plot to start, and it didn’t, and I loathe all the “good guys” so far, I gave up.

    ☆☆☆☆☆ and may Cthulhu have mercy on their souls.

  • The Player (1992): Haven’t seen this in decades. Goddamn that initial long tracking shot. Tons of movie references, I dunno I’ve ever seen Absolute Beginners, just heard the Bowie song; adding that to my list. The Sheltering Sky I’ve seen and was bored out of my skull by, all of Bertolucci’s films were some mix of fantastic cinematography, pretty girls, dumb assholes, fascists, wandering aimlessly, never intersects a plot, like Last Tango in Paris; he was the original Ridley Scott (right down to the unwatchable but very pretty oriental set piece flicks). I love Fred Ward and he’s good at laconic delivery of both useful and menacing lines, but he doesn’t get to do any violence here, which is a shame. There’s a metric fuck-ton of cameos by Old Hollywood people, before it all went to shit.

    “It’s Gods Must be Crazy except the Coke bottle is now a TV actress.” “Exactly, it’s Out of Africa meets Pretty Woman.” made me crack up completely. I can’t stop giggling at these people and their awful pitches.

    Oh, I miss movies like this, with writing and characters and cinematography that isn’t just cyan/orange filters. I want everyone involved in that Fantastic Beasts flick to watch this, and then blow their brains out in shame.

    “Can we talk about something other than Hollywood for a change? We’re educated people.” … … [laughter]

    Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins) is kind of too easy-going to have his job, but he steps up to crazy eventually. Vincent D’Onofrio didn’t have his known career of being a crazy person yet, so his unstable writer act now looks too obvious.

    “I would hate to get the wrong person arrested.” “Oh please. This is Pasadena. We do not arrest the wrong person. That’s L.A., see, L.A., they kick your ass, and then they arrest you.” A year after Rodney King.

    The first act is great, just a perfect storm of everything coming down on Griffin Mill. Second act develops his guilt and romance, and it’s fine, but a little slow. Third act should be a massive storm of catastrophe, but instead nothing happens. Rich people get to be rich and goof around.

    ★★★★☆

Spoiler screenshot but this is the story they wrote and inserted into the paper:

player-newspaper

What I’m Watching: HoboMax

  • Hey, Beastmaster’s On (seriously it was on a lot in the afternoons)
  • Hobotime (when you couldn’t decide between HBO or Showtime)
  • Skinemax (ah, scrambled cable porn; to this day, static makes me horny (no not really (well, kinda)))

I was ignoring the HBO “Max” launch, but Rolling Stone ran basically an ad/listicle of great movies on it, and so I’ve given it another shot. Site organization is kind of terrible, it’s “Netflix but with more hubs” so you have to poke around all over to see what movies they have. But they do have more older A-list movies, less TV shows.

Currently building up a giant queue by looking at the A-Z list, and then I’ll work thru it, because finding anything on this site is a nightmare.

So far, quite pleased by the selection. It’s not every movie; there’s weird gaps and missing prequels or sequels (they have Yojimbo, but not Sanjuro?! Well, I have that on DVD, but the principle of the thing!), but it’s like a pretty good video store. Not as good as mine back in the day, let alone Scarecrow Video, but you can find something besides Navy Seals.

  • Watchmen (2019 series): 3 eps in. Starts with the Tulsa Massacre and does not get more cheerful. Goes back more to the source comic, including the giant exploding squid, but has the consequences 35 years later. Rather implausibly has President Robert Redford, who would be 80+ at this time; I’m actually surprised he’s still alive in reality. The masked cops are scum, the KKK using Rorschach as a model sucks (atheist anarchist vigilante, not a racist), the FBI’s lead agent is a traitorous bitch, Adrian is a murderous (well, sorta) loonie. Nobody is worth saving. Protagonist cop and old man are… interesting, I guess. But I’m not sure I care. Whole thing’s written by Damon Lindelof, who pisses me off with almost everything he writes and especially the dumb ending of Lost, so no shock there. Kind of a hate-watch, but I’ll likely finish it.

  • Godzilla (1954): Aside from the B&W subtitles being baked in, instead of letting me choose yellow on black as I prefer, and calling it “Godzilla” instead of “Gojira”, a perfectly adequate presentation. As always I sympathize entirely with the monster, Godzilla’s been wronged and the Humans should be crushed under its feet. Serizawa is the real monster. It’s amusing to compare this with Shin Godzilla; in the ’50s, occupied Japan, the security board & Parliament are panicked, but competent at hearing advice and acting on it; in the 2010s, autonomous Japan, the government is completely paralyzed by bureaucracy, the “experts” are only used for PR and any science must be accomplished on the side, until things get close to an extinction event. ★★★★½

Morning Playlist

I don’t have store/play links for these, this is all local, the playlist I listen to many mornings, pick a random start point and play forward. This’ll wake you up.

Song Album Artist
Where Do I Begin (edit) Dig Your Own Hole Chemical Brothers
Neurosis Drama Bitter:Sweet
Nth Degree Morningwood Morningwood
One Too Many Mornings Exit Planet Dust Chemical Brothers
Let Forever Be Surrender Chemical Brothers
Airships Futureperfect VNV Nation
City Zen Radio 1990/2000 FM Cure For Sanity Pop Will Eat Itself
X Y & Zee [Sensory Amplification Mix] Cure For Sanity Pop Will Eat Itself
Japan Air Endless Fantasy Anamanaguchi
Life Is Sweet Exit Planet Dust Chemical Brothers
Heartbeat City Heartbeat City Cars
Waking Up Drama Bitter:Sweet
(Reach Up for The) Sunrise Astronaut Duran Duran
Let the Day Begin The Best of the Call Michael Been AKA The Call
I Want It All The Platinum Collection Queen
Sharing the World (feat. Hatsune Miku) Sharing the World – Single BIGHEAD
Streamline Automatic VNV Nation
Hit the Hi-Tech Groove Box Frenzy (Remastered) Pop Will Eat Itself
Satellite Ecstatica This Is The Day…This Is The Hour…This Is This! Pop Will Eat Itself
American Science Notorious Duran Duran
Mandelbrot Set Where Tradition Meets Tomorrow Jonathan Coulton
21st Century Digital Boy Stranger Than Fiction Bad Religion
Twenty First Century Boy 21st Century Boys – The Best Of Sigue Sigue Sputnik
Neuromancer Cyberpunk Billy Idol
The Boy In the Bubble The Essential Paul Simon (Bonus Video Version) Paul Simon
I Don’t Like Monday’s Emerald Rock Boomtown Rats
Tomorrow People Cyberpunk Billy Idol
Only Solutions Tron (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) Journey
Too Much Information Ghost in the Machine (Message in a Box) Police
Where Would I Be Without IBM Peace and Love, Inc. Information Society
U.04/01/2003 U.B.L.U.D. Box Frenzy (Remastered) Pop Will Eat Itself
Life In the Fast Lane Eagles Live Eagles
Number One Best Of Chaz Jankel
Demolition Man Ghost in the Machine (Message in a Box) Police
Burn You Up, Burn You Down Big Blue Ball Peter Gabriel, Billy Cobham, The Holmes Brothers, Wendy Melvoin, Arona N’diaye & Jah Wobble
Standing In the Line Midnight Mission Carla Olson and the Textones
Big Time So (Remastered) Peter Gabriel
Not Dead Yet Edge Of The Century Styx
Everything’s Cool Dos Dedos Mis Amigos Pop Will Eat Itself
Jesus Built My Hotrod Psalm 69: The Way to Succeed & the Way to Suck Eggs Ministry
Under The Influence Surrender Chemical Brothers
Atom Bomb Wipeout 2097 Fluke
Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex Cansei de Ser Sexy CSS
Control 1000 Fires Traci Lords
Stuck On Repeat Arecibo – EP Little Boots
So Alive Love And Rockets Love and Rockets
Joy Praise The Fallen VNV Nation
More Vision Thing Sisters Of Mercy
Standing (Still) Standing EP VNV Nation
Dream On Surrender Chemical Brothers
Where the I Divides Peace and Love, Inc. Information Society
Erotic Ontology Orbiting Cathedrals Pro-Tech
This Is Ponderous The Best of 2NU 2NU
Solitary Praise The Fallen VNV Nation
Come Sail Away (Edit) Styx: Greatest Hits Styx
Asleep From Day Surrender Chemical Brothers
Surrender Surrender Chemical Brothers
Everybody Wants to Rule the World Songs From the Big Chair Tears for Fears
Flash’s Theme The Platinum Collection Queen

Death of Blogging as a Service

Via n-gate, because I no longer read and have actively blocked h4xx04 n00z, but still like to laugh at the monkeys in the cage:

  • TTTThis whines: “Blogs used to exist because there were blogging platforms.”

I started to reply to this, but I think this is a troll? 90% sure. But like The Onion, Landover Baptist, or Fox News, it’s indistinguishable from real stupid, crazy people.

The rest of his site is equally inane half-jokes, but not at that length. Despite the “/blog/” in the URL, he is not writing a blog, because he has no RSS feed.

Every few weeks another “DEATH OF RSS”, “I MISS BLOGGING” shitpost comes across my screen, mostly from victims still on Tw*tter or F***book, who don’t realize they can set up WordPress, Hugo, Ghost, or whatever and have their own fully operational Death Star of blogging to wage war on siloed fools from.

Spokes and Hubs

Firefox is extremely annoying using Hubs in fullscreen. Open a tab, type about:config as location, and set:

full-screen-api.warning.timeout: 0
pointer-lock-api.warning.timeout: 0

This time I did the tutorial for Spoke—which you should absolutely sit thru, and try out as you go—and then made a scene based on the Material Test. Well, first I tried to edit the cafe, but it turns out that’s a single model with 80K polys, not editable. Pity.

So you can make a scene by adding items from a library, Architecture Kit has most of the building blocks you’d want, mostly in 1×1 to 4x4m segments, and a small palette of industrial textures.

Google Poly and Sketchfab have hundreds/thousands of items to drop in.

Unfortunately, while you can upload your own textures, you can’t put them on any object, they’re just images. The best I’ve found for now is to just lay it down like a carpet, 0.01 above a flat surface so there’s no z-fighting. Works but obviously stupid. The actual workflow is apparently to clone ArchitectureKit, edit it in Blender (oh fuck), upload.

Not a bad toybox, not as good as Second Life, Garry’s Mod, or Unity, but usable, and a lot cheaper (paying SL $1 per 25 images sucked giant balls until later I made it back 1000x by selling things and coding services).

The Spoke controls continue to be awkward, and often contradictory to Hub’s, but I got used to them.

There doesn’t seem to be any way to select or group multiple objects and apply changes to all of them, except translation, rotation, etc.; texture remapping is kind of a pain. And there’s no texture offset field, so if your objects aren’t full-sized and don’t line up exactly, you can’t make them fit. Don’t use hex or tile patterns on such objects, I guess, or hide the seams under carpets.

After a bit of work, mostly changing textures but adding some trim, adding a doorknob, fixing misaligned blocks, I got a slightly better version of their demo, hit Cmd-S to save (in Spoke), then Publish to Hub. Which takes >1 minute for a tiny default scene.

mozillahubs-material1

mozillahubs-material2

So starting over from the watery caldera template, and a “forest” model from Poly, I’m building up a dark twilight castle, we’ll see how that goes.

Trying out Mozilla Hubs

  • Mozilla Hubs is a VR/3D chat room, sort of like IMVU, Second Life, etc, except semi-private instances. That should be quite interesting. It doesn’t need a client, it uses the browser, so I opened it in Firefox, assuming they’re favoring their own. Whoo, listen to those computer fans, this thing runs hot, to get me 30-45 FPS (admittedly on a 5K iMac…)

It uses a horrible no-password email-link token login flow. Almost just stopped right there. I have a password manager, I’m fine with entering long passwords; I don’t like opening email every time I come to a site.

Picking name and avatar seems persistent, but the avatar choices are either box-headed robots, round-headed robots, or super creepy human busts on floating buttplugs. I did eventually find a Bender avatar, so that’s sorted for now.

You start in a tutorial on a terrible little “River Island” with painted-on water. It took me a while to realize you can create and edit objects you place, but the “stuff” in the room is created in a world editor and you can’t edit those while you’re in the scene. Nothing can really be interacted with, you can’t sit, but it doesn’t matter because you don’t have a moving body to animate. 1990 called and wants its VR back.

Controls are weird. It does WASD, but Q/E rotate you by 45° per tap, left-mouse drag turns you, right-mouse drag sets a destination, which is backwards from every MMO & FPS. Shift sprints, which annoys me since Minecraft has shift=crouch, ctrl=sprint, but whatever. Flight is G or /fly in chat, to go into no-clip flying mode, which can be disabled by the room’s owner. Tab or space open a GIANT emote bar, which is frustrating since holding space is also how you edit items. I have to back way up to see the popup menu over the giant emote bar.

Hamburger menu, Change Scene lets you pick from quite a lot of worlds. Some you can bookmark/copy to “My Scenes”, some you can’t, and I don’t know why. The scene list doesn’t keep your place, each time you open it, you start at page 0 (actually, all pages say “0”; so you’re just paging forever with no idea where you are).

Scenes I’ve liked so far:

  • morning dew: Nice open café.
  • Atmosphere Lounge: Cool cathedral floating in the void, but can’t bookmark it.
  • Viewing Room: Nice little basement room with sofa.
  • Wizard’s Library: World of Warcraft-y cute tower with two levels and little nooks.
  • Mad Scientist House: Rick & Morty’s house. Not every room is detailed, but the doors are pass-thru.
  • TheNightClub: Dark hallway, dance floor, and stage. Tastefully black and purple. Seems useful.

But many others are weird models with no interiors, and almost no place you can walk. I’ve seen one scene so far that had sound effects, so it’s possible, just nobody else bothered.

I’ll probably go back in and try making a scene, and then make it permanent(?) and see how the user interaction is. I’m not expecting much given these terrible avatars, but world-building is fun.

Alternative ’80s Sunday Music

Feeling retro, and lazy. At the time we had just elected an insane, senile old man who was out-acted by a chimp; who was going to start World War III with the Soviet Union, and he deliberately ignored AIDS so it’d kill the gays; and his VP was a CIA spook psychopath.

We got thru it, but a lot of people suffered and died, our country was irreparably damaged by their stupid Evangelical “Republican” policies, but at least we had amazing music, movies, fashion, and MTV.

It’s worse this time around, and modern music, movies, and fashion suck, and all we have is Youtube. Ugh.

What I’m Reading: Network Effect, by Martha Wells

Finally the novel length treatment I’ve been asking for. Murderbot, calling itself just “SecUnit” in the company of friendly non-corporate Humans, does a perfectly adequate job protecting them from their poor decision-making, and becomes somewhat… not exactly social, but what passes for it.

“She grimaced. “Right, sorry.” Then she looked away and rubbed her eyes.

And I’d made her cry. Good job, Murderbot.

I knew I’d been an asshole and I owed Amena an apology. I’d attribute it
to the performance reliability drop, and the emotional breakdown which I
am provisionally conceding as ongoing rather than an isolated event that
I am totally over now, and being involuntarily shutdown and restarted,
but I can also be kind of an asshole. (“Kind of” = in the 70 percent–80
percent range.) I didn’t know what to say but I didn’t have time to do a
search for relevant apology examples. (And it’s not like I ever find any
relevant examples that I actually want to use.) I said, “I’m sorry for …
being an asshole.”
—Martha Wells, “Network Effect”

Then a rather familiar transport/gunboat shoots them up, and abducts them to another solar system, with some odd, hostile inhabitants, or “Targets” as Murderbot calls them.

Finally we get a little explanation of the wormhole transit system, much better detail on drone and network systems, and Corporation Rim colony setup. There’s even a planetary surface described in… not great detail, but any detail? So that’s different. Since reading this book I’m going back to reread the novellas with more background information.

There’s as much internal chatter of Murderbot as ever, which is the thing that draws us weirdos to this, but also a lot of feed and voice chatter with others forcing some character development the novellas can’t achieve.

It’s organized almost along episodic A- B- plot beats, Murderbot kills everyone, there’s a social/investigation sequence, backstory piece, repeat (four times? More or less).

The Targets and what’s driving them takes a long time to be revealed, and how some of their software attacks are possible isn’t clear until very late in the book.

And it’s left set up for more stories, which is all Murderbot’s after, too.

★★★★★ — inhaled it in a couple sittings.

Also, there was a prequel short story in Wired a couple years ago, which I just learned of:

Solitary Sunday Music

In this picture stands a man
Far away, alone and distant
Like a solitary field
In some nameless foreign land
All around him points of light
Start to dim and cease transmitting
VNV Nation, “Solitary”