4/20 Apple Event

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

  • Timmy Apple dressing exactly like me (his watch strap is different) is not cool. He's a fucking MBA from Duke & IBM, should only be in a suit or a track suit.
  • Moneymoneycard.
  • Purple iPhone.
  • Find My needs a noun. I suggest Find My Shit.
  • Geotracking every object you own is totally not creepy (even with privacy features).
  • Sofa cave is fucking awesome, I want a videogame of that.
  • Using Queen songs to advertise fucking sportsball comedy: Lame.
  • TV 4K: Eh. Maybe fixes my mediocre TV. New remote is slightly better, but I want a 500-button universal remote for it.
  • Mac M1 is faster than everyone else, yes. I already have 16GB RAM in my six-year old iMac, and it's barely adequate under Tacos Bug Sir macOS Big Sur. It needs to be 32, 64, or more GB for any serious machine now, but M1 is still limited to 16GB. So that's a hard pass this year.
  • iMac color: Not just silver! But you can't see the back on most desks, so there's just the little bezel. I don't want vibrant, bright, I want dark, black so black it eats light; not just because I'm Hotblack Desiato, I need neutral colors for pixel-fucking art; colors distort my vision! I don't like wafer-thin, I want fat chunky computers with wind-tunnel fans for cooling. Losing 3" from my iMac 27" would be lame. Guess not.
  • iMac Keyboard: Actually looks like a really good improvement. I wonder if the big numpad boy with touch ID will even work on my old iMac? It'd be nice.
  • iPad Pro M1: Sweet, here an M1 with shitty 16GB RAM is excellent, because iOS doesn't eat 8GB just to exist. I'm putting the 11" & Pencil 2G on my shopping list; notebook, not giant wall of video. I don't like any of the keyboard cases because they have no ESC key. I'd rather use a soft keyboard or carry around this silly Magic Keyboard. Of course, needing it depends on me ever leaving the house again.


iPad Pro models with 128GB, 256GB, or 512GB of storage will come with 8GB RAM, while iPad Pro models with 1TB or 2TB of storage will feature 16GB RAM.
Juli Clover