What I’m Watching: Rings of Power part 2

(I had this series of toots in my notes, apparently didn’t publish. Whoops.)

Previously on Rings of Power

SPOILERS















Galadriel continuing to be a badass, but shitty diplomat, is one of the best blundering D&D PC portrayals. Again has less than fuck-all to do with the book character, and I’m here for it.

Dwarf: “I am a Dwarf an I’m digging a hole.” Mostly in his parental relations; I know the feeling. But it’s not built up much before this, was much cut from this ep?

“Don’t go to middle earth, it is a silly place.” I am deeply bored by Numenor’s politics, and whiny little Isildur. A swordfight breaks it up but then back to yakking. Elf-king’s a bastard; where did I last see him? Oh, right, Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter. Humans are 50% evil, 40% neutral, 10% good. Elf & Dwarf are pretty cute, tho. The one relationship in this given any love. New armor is all very shit except Galadriel’s plate, which looks OK except dangling chain bits.

One thing is clear from this series: Elfs are assholes. Everything is their fault in the first place, and then you have to give them all your stuff and die for them because OH, wouldn’t it be TERRIBLE if they went back to HEAVEN? And they ran that scam in the first age, they’re running it again now, and they’ll run it again in the third age. Isn’t that great? Nobody ever learns to say “fuck off, Elfs”. The one blacksmith who does is mocked by the evil vizier.

Arondir Elfpants’ fighting withdrawal is a little goofy, very Army of Darkness. But then the peasants try a High Plains Drifter defense and it’s obvious shit. Where did these incompetent peasants learn to shoot bows & stab with spears as well as trained Orcs (and untrained evil men)? Then deus ex machina, Numenor knows exactly which shitty peasant village to rescue. Yeah, map magic but it’s still bullshit, the entire region must be at war.

Adar: “We have a heart. We deserve a home.” Galadriel: “Genocide is good, because you are bad! Waah!” Yeah, that tracks. The thing the main LotR books & series couldn’t quite articulate, because Tolkien believed in “lesser races”. Queen is nice to peasant Bronwyn for all of 30 seconds until she can put a man of royal descent on the throne. Fuck royalty, kill all kings.

Fun fact: The initial survivors of Pompeii who didn’t get off the island all died from pyroclastic heat in the next day. There’s no Humans or Orcs surviving Mt Doom. DOOOOOooooom! Also I survived Mt St Helens (hundreds of miles away), and I can guarantee you it just shat grey ash on the ground, it didn’t apply an orange filter to everything. Fuck Hollywood cyan/orange. I haven’t mentioned the fucking ‘obbits, because they do nothing, the wizard did nothing.

Elrond lurking around the Dwarfs, “Man king” lurking around the Elf court, ‘obbits and wraiths lurking around the wizard, Queen lurking around the sea captain. None of these are good ideas. Clearly everyone would be better with their own, and the Elfs would all sail West, and there’d be no wars without them picking fights. So many preachy “nobody seen the trouble I seen” speeches.

The Three Rings of Power scene should’ve played the Airwolf theme, in honor of the greatest “engineers worship their creations” scene of all time.

Endless flute playin’ music as ‘obbit can’t go off the track. I ‘ate ‘obbits. Uh, and showing NZ square pastures delimited by trees, which seems unlikely for empty woods.

Pacing really sucks, there’s as usual 4 eps of content in 8 eps of streaming, would get ★★★★½ if it was edited down, barely ★★★★☆ as is.

Compare it to The Witcher. S1 was excellent, Cavill likes being Geralt, the plots were largely from the books, bit disorganized, should’ve just followed the Surprise. S2 was meh, went off-books, Cavill sorta saved it. S3 was off-books shit by the incompetent producer, and S4 won’t have Cavill. It’s down >50% from S1, instead of building audience.

Rings of Power succeeds where it goes off-book. Except the ‘obbits. Murderhobo Galadriel was fun.

One thought on “What I’m Watching: Rings of Power part 2”

  1. So… I’ve been reading a lot of RoleMaster Unified and Shadow World books, which is of course very Tolkieny, “Iron Crown”, after all. I finished…

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