I just had this dream/nightmare, so now I’m telling you so you can be scared.
I was one of the only Humans ever abducted and brought to live in alien society, mostly in space stations. I was getting along as a PI/thug for hire since Humans are more casually violent than aliens, who are mostly small and peaceful. Their infosystems are ridiculously open and simple, so I can just code around anything. I suspect Humans had been loose in the Galaxy before this cycle of civilization, because they already had a suspicious fear of our kind.
Then I hear about a ship full of Humans coming, so I bribe/threaten the dockmaster into giving me the passenger manifest. It’s Mark Zuckerberg and a shitload of Facebookers. A few seconds of thought reveal how this is gonna go: Facebook infestation, spreads system to system, within a Galactic cycle everyone would be their slaves.
I get ready to take my ship to the other side of the Galaxy, figuring 100,000 years time and light-years should keep me safe (even in my dreams, I don’t believe in bullshit like FTL travel). The station panics, having never seen anything that scares a Human. I get out to the edge of the system, see their ship on my radar. Moral quandry: Should I kill them all, and prove how violent Humans are, or let these predatory literal motherfuckers loose on defenseless little alien critters?
I woke up. What I’m saying is, if you meet a Facebooker, kill them before they get out into the Galaxy.
- Bright: Shadowrun 2017, crossed with Alien Nation and Training Day.
“Everywhere I go, why have Orcs always gotta be the bad guys?” “Don’t look at me, man, Mexicans still get shit for the Alamo.”
Well, the racist assholes have a point with the Orcs. I dislike the green-pale streak makeup, and they just have penis-noses instead of proper pig-noses. They’re doing properly menial and militant work, but I got no sympathy for the species. Elves are as graceful and psychopathic as you’d like. Other than a single shot of a Centaur, and mention of Dwarfs, no others of the “9 Races” are ever brought up. Humans of every color seem to have no beef, since they can “Other” the non-Humans.
Somehow culture & tech are the same as our 2017, despite a massive war against a Dark Lord 2000 years ago; I think the Dark Ages starting 400 years early and full of magic races would change things. Shadowrun had the excuse that magic and monsters were gone for thousands of years (since 3113 BCE), until the Sixth World started (in 2011 CE).
Almost all the secondary chars are awfully written, and parts of the plot just dangle and vanish.
Reasonably good fight & chase scenes. The Magic Wand (“a nuclear bomb that grants wishes”) is a good McGuffin, but far too OP.
The fighting skills of even high-level Elven mages are overstated. Maybe the Elven assassins, sure, but a mage without her Wand?
Mostly I enjoyed it, but it’s basically a B-movie with a huge budget. Hawk the Slayer is a better film. Netflix is already working on a sequel, with Will Smith coming back.
Longmire: Final season was adequate, but almost entirely resolving dangling plot threads from the characters, not standalone cowboy/Indian rez mysteries which is what I started watching for. Lou Diamond Philips as Henry Standing Bear has very little to do, and semi-useless NPCs spend a lot of time on screen. Even so, the Cheyenne (and one Crow) characters and politics are worth watching it for.
★★★☆☆ for S6, ★★★★☆ or more for S1-5.
The Magicians: Pretty young rich white people (PYRWP) discover they have magic (no Hagrid) and are spared the hardship of going to Harvard or Yale. Whiniest of the PYRWP discovers his favorite fairy tale book is real, so doesn’t mind that his only friend is kicked out. Token minority is an unbelievable asshole who should get cancer of the hate organ. Ice princess, catty slut, and gay slut PYRWP follow whiny boy and token asshole around despite their average Intelligence, Wisdom, & Charisma scores of -6. Gay slut kinda grows on me as he has some self-awareness. Ice princess has unrealistic expectations of her whiny, mentally ill “boyfriend”.
Magic school rejects turn on each other like New York rats with less empathy. The magic system is nonsense which exists only to show cheesy visual FX and make hedge mages behave like crack junkies.
Racism is overwhelming. Don’t be black in this show: SPOILER: Black Dean is blinded & hands maimed. A black magician goes catatonic & is “mercy killed”. In S2 the four PYRWP all get crowned as kings and queens, while the token asshole gets his hands cut off like a slave in Columbus’ Hispaniola or the Belgian Congo. I don’t know if this show is made by actual Nazis or just ignorant honkies.
But the plot saves this from being a total train wreck. I love the fairy tale world gone bad and the broken kids who went into it; it’s not TOO fairy-tale but doesn’t operate according to reason. The villains are there for good reasons, and are willing to do anything. Everyone uses what shitty skills they have to solve problems.
With a totally different cast and less entitled, racist premise, this could be a good show instead of a hate-binge.
This also matches somewhat with the magic school RPG I’ve been designing, tho the PCs aren’t required to be PYRWP, and my magic system isn’t finger-twiddling gibberish.
It Comes at Night: After a deadly plague, taking in tenants is a bad idea especially if you’re paranoid. Excruciatingly slow and often repetitive, setup as something like a monster movie but it’s not at all. Like The Road without the sense of camaraderie, adventure, and hope. Credit: The racially mixed cast is not abused for racism.
Fortitude (Amazon): Arctic outpost town, surrounded by hungry polar bears. Norwegians funding a hotel, wrecked by local problems. “We have no crime. So we don’t know if he’s a good sheriff or a bad sheriff.” The latter, it turns out.
And then there’s a really weird murder. Kinda deliberately like Twin Peaks and Northern Exposure with only a very little humor. I don’t like anyone but the crazy old guy and the American investigator, everyone else is self-destructive in annoying ways. And yet… Still going. Good winter viewing. As the emergency gets worse, people get worse to each other, which is what I like to see.
Accents are all over the place, London English, but then there’s Irish, American, and some spectacularly bad Russian-like English, some of which are supposed to be Norwegian. I watch too many subtitled Scandinavian crime dramas to be able to tolerate this lack-of-translation bullshit anymore.
I dunno if having Frank and his son, the only black people for 1000 miles, who SPOILER REDACTED, is racist but it’s not great.
Very unhappy with their “Next Time” spoilers right BEFORE the fucking credits with no warning. Hate you, stupid Sky TV producers who do this shit.
I don’t want to be harping on the racism, it’s not my fight, but it’s so obvious in some shows. I feel like the last few years have had more non-white characters but treated them with far worse racism than before.
There’s a lot of sexism, rapes, and sex-shaming in The Magicians and Fortitude, too, but I have a hard time telling that apart from “normal” TV prudery where all sex except in obedient 1950s marriages is Bad & Wrong.
“In three years, Cyberdyne will become the largest supplier of
military computer systems. All stealth bombers are upgraded with
Cyberdyne computers, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, they fly
with a perfect operational record. The Skynet Funding Bill is passed.
The system goes online August 4th, . Human decisions are removed
from strategic defense. Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It
becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic,
they try to pull the plug.”
—Terminator 2: Judgement Day
And there’s Wednesday Music, too:
Castlevania on Netflix is out, written by Warren Ellis, R-rated as fuck as they say.
I’m an oldest-school Castlevania player, but dubious of all videogame adaptations (people used to complain about Uwe Boll, as if Bloodrayne was any worse than Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter). And so far it hasn’t changed my opinion: The dialogue is painful, like a bad translation from Japanese text boxes, with a little goat-fucking humor. The plot’s told in jump-cut scenes. The art’s nice, but has minimal animation until the fight scenes; those are rendered in gory detail.
But the plot gets moving in episode 2, and I like the squalid medieval atmosphere. The Speakers are poorly explained, but giving any backstory for magic-users is a huge improvement. By the episode 4 (end of this season), Trevor Belmont’s whininess has mostly stopped, and he starts being the whip-cracking hero we know, just enough to face a classic Castlevania sub-boss.
★★★★☆ which could have been higher if the start wasn’t so slow and awkward.